Ok folks it’s all back to normal once again, I feel as if I’ve just returned from a couple of weeks of total relaxation and after all’s done and dusted I had a great time The Ancient Mariner is probably a ways off as yet but it was an experience that I’d recommend to anyone who is lucky enough to get the chance, I have to admit that living like a millionaire is never hard to take. Anyway although I’m back to the mundane there are a few things bubbling along under the surface which I hope to be able to report about in the coming weeks and months, hopefully it will give you a laugh and won’t be too hard on my friends, most of whom continue to make our life special in so many ways, not least to realise how lucky we are if at time a touch boring. As I speak her indoors is off to her regular Salsa evening dancing with some pretend shmoozers closing resembling tiny emaciated dagos with nine inch hips and build up shoes. I just wish I had it in me to accompany her but alas the two step sway and groin is about all I’m up for these days and needless to say partners are pretty hard to come by. One thing I am able to report is that I am soon to take on the 2 Air FM radio announcers course, unfortunately the current crop and the music they play is shall we say catering to a slightly different audience than one I would like to think would appreciate my kind of music and humour, still we’ll see how it pans out, you may yet be able to toon in as it were to yours truly dishing out the discs and rocking the zimmer frames of the current audience, So check in occasionally and see what goes. So bye for now, be lucky and make sure you laugh lots.

It’s a Breeze!!

Back on terra firma and home to Coffs, well that was a great couple of weeks spent tooling around on the water and I consider myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity, the Osiris is a great boat and I learnt a great deal. I now know that if you have enough cash you don’t really need to know how to sail. well in coastal waters anyway. Modern navigational aids and the equipment on modern boats means that to all intents and purpose they do just about most things automatically, thus allowing you to sit back with a beer or vino relax and enjoy the ride. If there is a less glamorous aspect to the whole affair it could be likened to being in a water caravan. The sailing between stops may not necessarily  be particularly  exciting, although we did see a reasonably large shark feeding on the surface only 20 metres away which was quite a buzz, it could be considered much the same as dragging a caravan between stops. It seems to me that it is a very good way to force yourself to completely relax and unwind which is sometimes difficult on land. Once you’re out there you can’t get the fidgets and say sod this I’m off to the shops!!!! As with all things in life there are pros and cons and I shan’t dwell on the cons, I would say however that my respect for people who can climb aboard a smaller yacht, say in the 30 foot range, on their own and just head off into the wild blue yonder are either very brave or very stupid!!! floating around in very cramped conditions for months at a time I’m afraid to say would probably send me completely gaga.

I see no Ships!!

One of the more interesting aspects of the whole deal is actually the people who you meet around the marina, especially those referred to by the yachting fraternity as live aboards,  this particular group of people are often taking many years to swan around the globe, it would appear that the reason it takes so long is that they spend bloody ages sitting on their floating abodes in various marinas around the globe doing apparently sod all!!! Not bad work if you can get it!! They can of course regale you with a wonderful array of tales of various events that have occurred on their travels, for instance the ablutions at such and such marina are to be avoided at all costs! or it’s a bastard to moor at so and so on an incoming tide???? Fascinating stuff and really quite riveting???? So would I like to do it again and maybe something a little more challenging? you bet, I think though for me it would have to be a little more edgy with a tad more risk involved to keep you on your toes and a bit excited, otherwise I think I might as well head down to the bowling club and watch a roll ups! or spend a day or two watching the paint dry. The biggest boon of all is of course the fact that I have a good mate who has all the problems of ownership of such a lovely thing and enjoys that side of it and I have the opportunity to enjoy the pleasure minus the financial pain, how bloody good is that??? Goodonya Gren!!

Doing it tough with a large plate of locally caught fresh prawns and a nice green salad and the obligatory bottle or two of decent plonk and with that  folks it’s time to shiver me timbers, Splice the Main Brace and Rodger the cabin boy. So until the next time and may you always have a fair bit of  wind!!! 

It has been well worth the wait, the weather has been kind and we have sailed down the coast into Morton Bay, albeit the first part of the journey was fairly slow and a bit wallowy!! However Morton Bay has been quite a buzz, fairly narrow channels to navigate through and a lot of shallows to avoid. What makes it a lot of fun is that Grens boat is eqipped with all the latest gear, auto steering etc., so it’s like a video game, you don’t even have to look where you’re going as it’s all on the screen infront of you or even a held held if you want go and have a pee, you just push a few buttons and everything just happens, really quite cool but hardly lashed to the wheel stuff. Anyway we are anchored for the night on the lea side of Morton Island (please note the nautial terminology) unfortunately the wind has come up fairly stiff so it’s a bit like sitting on a fishing float at present. No matter, it’s all part of the gig but might well sleep on the very comfortable seats in the deck cockpit area as it’s very warm and sticky. Heading back up to Mooloolaba in the morning which will probably take most of the day and expect now to head for Coffs on Saturday all things being equal. Anyway folks am about shagged at the moment so am off to my hammock and will add more on our return to the Marina. Take care and have fun.

Well listeners you wouldn’t believe it, the weather has undergone a quick change, so we are going to take the opportunity and hit the big blue. We cast off (gatta luv nautical talk!) in an hour and see where it leads. Stay tuned and hopefully tonight I’ll be still standing with innards intact and will be able to fill you in on the day.  Aaaarghhh!!

Alas fellow travellers, it has come to pass that my hopes of gaining greater understanding of the great mariners of the ages, Columbus, Cook, Nelson, Drake and Alby Mangles have been dashed upon the rocks of crap weather. Once again the storm clouds are amassing above us threatening deluge and devastation. Whilst we would be happy to leave our safe and comfortable mooring tucked  away in the Mooloolaba Marina,( a mere stones throw from a great fish and chip shop and only one minute thirty five seconds drive from the Surf club with it’s great value food and drink), we have concluded that it would be serious  folly to venture out onto the briney in such adverse conditions. We feel sure that it would cause great anguish to our loved ones and most probably bring about involuntry bodily functions in ourselves leading to soiled undergarments. So it is with great sadness that we prepare ourselves to disembark the luxurious confines of Osiris11 and on the morrow return to our home port of Coffs Harbour. It is of course true that my hopes of salt air breezes are not to be fulfilled on this occasion, I do however feel sure that having  proven myself to the skipper that my sea legs are worthy of a further invitation at sometime in the future. As I prepare for our departure I am buoyed by the thoughts of returning to the bosom of my family, whom I feel certain will be delighted that I will be  home in time to put out the rubbish and clean up the devastation caused by the current foul conditions. I hope to continue my somewhat irregular attempts at blogging so that I can keep you appraised of any upcoming adventure or event of significance

Adieu

Well folks the sun has been shining and I have actually been out on the water albeit in the Osiris’s rubber ducky!! An hour spent wandering around the river and canals that make up the Mooloolaba waterways. I just wish I had a dollar for every thousand dollars worth of boats moored around here!!! Pretty bloody fabulous some of them it makes you wonder how all of these people can make so much cash to afford these floating luxury items. There are yachts from all over the planet here and there are one or two which I wouldn’t get on if they were in my bath!!!!! but in the main some are pretty bloody horny! However apart from our jaunt around it has been a day to get ourselves sorted, Gren has done a great job on our washing and I have on the other hand been an interested observer!!!  Hopefully the electrical work will be completed tomorrow and if the weather holds we’ll actually head out of the harbour for a couple of days on Tuesday. Yesterday in pissing rain we headed to Eumundi markets and even though we got pretty wet it relieved the cabin fever and it’s always amusing being amongst Queenslands finest!! So another day comes to a close and we await the arrival of the appropriate tradesmen on the morrow, I will once again throw a line off the back of the boat this evening for some amusement.

Here we are again, still raining like you would’t believe, in fact I’m sure there’s more water above than below!! Still doing crosswords, sudoku and reading so in itself it’s still been an interesting week, the forecasts say that tomorrow will be the start of  better conditions so we hope that by Monday when we should have the solar panels fitted we may be able to at least get off the mooring. Until then we are forced to just relax and drink and eat, Oh dear never mind then! It’s difficult to believe that poor old Victoria seems to be the only place in the country where it’s not pissing down. Anyway what will be will be and we will continue to make the best of it, we’re still having a good laugh so all is not lost. Take care all and catch you later.

Batten down the Hatches!!

Rain rain and more bloody rain, oh yes and add a heap of wind!! That about sums it up so far, my adventures therefore have been pretty much restricted by this crappy weather as it would be madness to head out to sea with conditions as they are. Oh well worse things happen at sea!!  If things stay as they it seems likely that after the bits and pieces now under way on the boat are finished, probably Monday, we will head back to Coffs. No matter it’s all part of lifes rich tapestry and there will be other times to take on the elements, so unless there is a change for the better this blog will be wrapped up in the not too distant. So keep dry and check us out tomorrow.

The sun is not quite over the yardarm, no matter it’s hot sticky and time for a cold beer regardless. At this point our efforts to get the little and big jobs done on the boat as usual are going to take a little longer than first thought. We have a new Bimini (I think that’s what it’s called) or as an ordinary person would call it a nice canvass cover over the deck area by the steering wheel! All very nice and fitted this afternoon, however although today we have picked up the solar panels it would appear that the brackets to mount them won’t be ready until Monday, so it looks as if we’ll be loafing around the town and marina for the weekend. Such is life so we will deal with it, the weather was also supposed to turn a bit iffy but to date there is no evidence that it will, rain was predicted today but Gren and I managed to fit in 9 holes of golf at the local course and it was bloody boiling and has continued on this afternoon. Time is being filled quite nicely with crosswords, suduku, reading and of course drinking, to say we are fairly relaxed would be an understatement!! Gren is currently in repose having dropped a Valium in an attempt to free up a crook back, I offered to walk up and down on it but he didn’t think that it would help much. Not too sure what dinner will comprise of tonight, last night Gren managed to put together a chilli tuna and spag dish which certainly aided the consumption of a few beers and a bottle of Grigio, I suspect that a Thai take away may well be on the cards. It’s sometime since I have been in Mooloolaba and like most of the Sunshine Coast it continues to grow at an enormous rate, all very cute and that but too bloody hot and too touristy for my taste, for some peculiar reason Coffs remains my preferred place to reside. So unfortunately as yet I am unable to recant any stories of my heroic deeds on the ocean as there aren’t any, however as sitting on my arse with a beer in my hand is a pastime and skill with which I am well practised I am as yet not distressed by our situation. I have however discovered that there are an amazing number of people who actually live on these water caravans and some of their stories are quite incredible, last evening we had a long conversation with a woman, Margaret, who is a doctor by trade but has also recently captured the single handed around Australia record in her 30 or 40 odd footer, having been in serious difficulty off the south west of WA losing her rudder and having her craft “knocked down” a term which I think means the mast actually ends up in the water!!! All very scary, others have tales of cruising around the globe with relatively few anxious moments and of visiting the most amazing places. So the experience is proving very educational, as with all areas of life each has it’s own jargon and sailors are particularly adept at comming up with phrases which appear to have no logical connection to their actual meaning, I mean what’s wrong with the arse end of the boat why stern?? Lough, sheets, halyards, lazy jacks and it would seem and endless number of other peculiar terms which I’m sure will ever remain a total mystery to me but will undoubtedly add to the richness of the journey. So folks that’s all for now, something about a number of bells and it being my watch????? What can happen when secured to the dock??? Maybe the odd stray Somali Pirate ay be lurking and I’ll have to repel boarders, I’ really glad I paid attention during Pirates of the Carribean!! So goodnight and sleeptight.

First night done and dusted, after the usual boring drive up to Mooloolaba, it was bloody boiling!! We arrived in good order at the Marina, it was a relief to exit the car and head down the marina to the boat and with a great cool breeze we stepped aboard Osiris. Not knowing what to expect it was a really pleasant surprise, she is a beautiful craft as Python would say Luxury!! She’s a cracker. After throwing everything into place we went for the essential supplies, beer, wine and the odd bit of food. Once all settled we spent a few hours relaxing with a few beers feeling that all was definitely all right with the world. Dinner was a great fish and chips from a great place next to the marina. The evening weather could not have been better and was aided by some more beer and the odd vino! I was a little apprehensive about how I would go in the sleep department as a mild claustraphobe sleeping in a horizontal broom cupboard did cause me some mild concern, however at around midnight I hit the hammock and apart from the fact that the heat was a little oppresive, managed a good night. Awoke to a great morning at about 5.30 made a cuppa and wondered what the poor people were doing. Today Gren is getting some things organised for the boat so it will be a quiet day, the weather at sea is a bit up and down so it’s not likely that we’ll actually set sail for a day or two which will give me a good chance to work everything out. The Osiris has everything that opens and closes and is right up with all the latest techno stuff. she has automatic everything and it would appear that I wasted my time bringing my sextant as she can almost sail herself. Punch in where you want to go and sit back and relax, auto steering takes over and you just enjoy the ride, so I look forward to heading out into the wild blue yonder. It is really an up market mobile hotel room without the room service. So that’s about all there is to report at this point but hang in there I expect the fun to start in the not too distant and look forward to passing on the experience as we go. So don’t work too hard and we’ll be in touch.